Peak Pursuit: How Men Can Break Free From The Workaholism Trap And Find Success
10'000 Hours
Has your relentless pursuit of success taken over your life? For some of us, the need to succeed can result in workaholism, a compulsive need to work excessively. Workaholism is typically attributed to individual factors and can be shaped by societal expectations and a culture of overwork. Men’s work behavior is often influenced by masculine ideals that reinforce productivity, such as strength, self-reliance, and the provider role. As a result, many men learn to tie their self-worth to their work and success. The pressure to meet these expectations can lead them to prioritize work at the expense of their health, well-being, and relationships. Despite their success, many men find themselves feeling chronically stressed, disconnected—and trapped.
Our culture of overwork prizes productivity and normalizes long hours. Overwork, typically defined as working more than 50 hours per week, is more than twice as prevalent among professional men (36%) as among professional women (15%). It is often seen as a sign of commitment and is standard in certain industries, many of which are male-dominated. Overwork can lead to chronic stress and elevated stress hormone levels, keeping the body in a constant state of fight-or-flight. This can result in overwork symptoms such as fatigue, sleep disturbances, brain fog, memory problems, muscle tension, headaches, irritability, and mood swings. Overwork also decreases productivity. One study found that output per hour falls as workers put in more than 48 hours of work per week. Additionally, overwork is associated with an increased risk of cardiovascular disease. A study by the World Health Organization and the International Labour Organization estimated that long working hours led to 745,000 deaths from stroke and ischemic heart disease in 2016, a 29% increase since 2000. Men accounted for 72% of the deaths, the majority of whom had a history of working 55 hours or more per week.
According to a 2019 OnePoll survey conducted on behalf of The Vision Council, 48% of Americans consider themselves workaholics. Millennials were most likely to identify as workaholics at 55%. However, there is a lack of consistent data on the prevalence of workaholism. One study estimates that approximately 10% of Americans are workaholics, while other studies have reported higher estimates. A higher prevalence has also been found in certain occupations and industries. Research suggests that workaholism is more prevalent among women and may manifest differently across genders due to societal expectations. Workaholism can be identified by using the Bergen Work Addiction Scale. Items are scored on the following scale: (1) Never, (2) Rarely, (3) Sometimes, (4) Often, and (5) Always. Scoring “often” or “always” on at least four of the seven items may suggest that you are a workaholic:
You think of how you can free up more time to work.
You spend much more time working than initially intended.
You work in order to reduce feelings of guilt, anxiety, helplessness, and depression.
You have been told by others to cut down on work without listening to them.
You become stressed if you are prohibited from working.
You deprioritize hobbies, leisure activities, and exercise because of your work.
You work so much that it has negatively influenced your health.
“Workaholism is not the same as simply working hard. It is a compulsion—a need to work excessively and obsessively, often at the expense of one’s health, relationships, and emotional well-being. Unlike working hard for a goal or passion, workaholism is driven by an inability to disengage, a chronic sense of never doing enough, and a profound fear of failure or inadequacy,” explains psychiatrist and author Marlynn Wei, MD, JD. Perfectionism can also contribute to workaholism, as people strive to meet unrealistic standards. The roots of workaholism often lie in early life. High achievers may have received praise and recognition from parents or authority figures that were tied to performance. Some workaholics come from families where love was conditional and based on being “good,” obedience, or achievement. Others were forced into adult responsibilities too quickly due to family circumstances. These experiences can lead to tying self-worth to productivity, performance, or achievement. Focusing on work becomes an avoidance coping mechanism—an escape from the more difficult emotions and realities of life.
Yet reality cannot be escaped, and it often presents challenges in health, wellbeing, and relationships. Workaholics struggle to psychologically detach from work, which can lead to rumination—one of the most challenging tendencies of workaholism to overcome. Workaholism has been linked to ADHD, OCD, anxiety, and depression, as well as cardiovascular disease and a weakened immune system. It can strain relationships, and research shows that it is associated with a higher likelihood of divorce. Children can also be negatively impacted by the unavailability of a parent who is a workaholic, and the pattern of workaholism can be passed down to them.
The impact of strained relationships is far-reaching. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running longitudinal study of adult life, found that the quality of our relationships is the strongest predictor of health, happiness, and longevity. When the participants in the study reached their 80s, the interviewers asked them what they wished they had done differently and what they were most proud of. The men replied that they wished they hadn’t spent as much time at work but with the people they cared about. Their proudest achievements had to do with relationships—being a good parent, partner, friend, or mentor. Workaholics who had neglected their relationships were some of the saddest participants in the study and were filled with regret when they were asked to look back on their lives. The quality of our relationships can also affect our career success. A study of politicians found that career success wasn’t related to how long a couple had been together but to the quality of their connection. Leaders who reported less conflict in their romantic relationships received better ratings from their subordinates. People who reported higher relationship satisfaction were less likely to report work-related burnout. Men also tend to rely on romantic partners for emotional support more than women do and often have less support outside their relationship. This makes it even more important for men to invest in their relationships.
Investing in connections is an effective strategy for rest and recovery—an essential part of overcoming workaholism. Research shows that rest can enhance memory and problem-solving, improve emotional regulation, and boost creativity and productivity. Additional strategies for rest include mentally disconnecting from work by doing a nonwork activity, practicing mindfulness techniques such as meditation, making time for moments of joy, and engaging in flow states through activities such as exercise and creativity. It is also important to prioritize sleep and set boundaries such as scheduling time for rest and using a “shutdown ritual.” Disentangling self-worth from work and embracing a more integrated identity are also key to recovery, and therapy can help support the process.
Ultimately, no amount of career or financial success will matter when we don’t have our health—and when no one else is around us. When we realize this, we become more present to life and who we are. We also become more present and connected to others. We discover that our humanity lies in our state of being—and not doing. We start to see that our self-worth is intrinsic and is not tied to anything or anyone. As our identity returns to wholeness, we experience a sense of liberation and joy. Success reveals itself—in presence, connection, health, and well-being.